Being stuck in this constant inner debate with myself surfaces many questions. What do I really love? My life is so tired that I can’t find the time to relax and find my inner peace to figure out what truly makes me happy. This hustling to emerge at the top has diminished what used to be that flame to keep me burning for my future. Exhaustion, the lack of time, has forced me to be an introvert, something I never associated myself with. I resorted to being pushed around by waves of social demands and what others perceive as success and happiness. The two qualities that people often work towards when they start getting their shit together.
What do you truly want to do in life? Is this what you chose? Or is this fate given to you in a lucky draw coupon that you accepted without bargaining for a better one? Human beings were once strong and united people with minds that only seek for the better of the ones they love and care about. When you make a decision, do you make it for yourself or for the people around you?
In the past, a 10 member strong family all make the choices in their life with the consideration of their 9 other counterparts. Together we are stronger. The power of the human spirit and brainwaves in perfect sync is more powerful than you can ever imagine. People in the current era has resorted to the fight for survival. The strongest win. This is not all entirely our fault but that of evolution. This exponential increase in human population has forced this trait in us. If we don’t fight for ourselves, who will? We lack this bond and team spirit we used to uphold ever so proudly.
With an over saturation of people with self centered attitude, it sprouts beautiful souls of free spirited people who care less about the world and what society perceives of them. They harness the energy within and only seek what deem fit for their unique personality.
Only when you can control your thoughts, you can control your mind. Seek and Ye shall find. But don’t push yourself too hard to ask for something that hasn’t shone its way into your life. Think in the moment. What makes you happy right now? Maybe a little greedier, what makes you happy today? Count your blessings and let your thoughts pave the way. Just keep believing you were made for a higher purpose, even if you never got to reach there, you leave this world with the greatest gift, Believe.
Even right now, I am only 10% in favour of having my own children. Reason being, I’m selfish. I don’t think I will ever be ready to be a mother. A life time of responsibilities. Hard earned money just to raise my children. What about my hopes and dreams? I think many people in the 20s can attain to that. As the header of this blog states, “Making The World My Home” clearly, is self explanatory. Be a universal traveler and make the world my home. How was I to do that and raise children? In the past, people have the luxury to stay home as wives and take care of children while the father is the sole bread winner of the family. Given the current context of high competitiveness, its hardly possible to do that unless you intend to seek a simple life and work hard relentlessly for the sake of your children. There is bound to be tremendous amount of sacrifice.
One day over lunch, I was conversing with an online buyer who is interested in buying the leather jacket that my boyfriend bought but couldn’t fit in. It was a new piece and I was trying to sell it away online. This wasn’t the first time I did this for him. I’ve met countless irritating buyers who ask so many questions, met up with them and not show up. So the point is, I thought to myself. Why am I doing this for him without getting any profit in return? Why do I sacrifice my precious time and effort to do this for him? The answer was because I love him. That’s all there is. I did it out of pure love and no questioning.
In the beginning of adulthood or after bad break up you tend to tell yourself that you foresee yourself being single. Of course it was the easiest option. And then you met a guy who gave you all the reasons to love him. You start showering him with endless love and support. Even though you’re tired after work, you still bring yourself to drive up to his house to meet him an even on weekends. All that you do for love. Its simply the same notion for caring for your child isn’t it?
I don’t want children right now because I’m not ready. When will I ever be? You will only be ready for love when you see it and feel it right in front of you. As human beings, I believe we are born to adapt and to nurture and to continue the generation of human kind. We will be ready when the time comes. Take a leap of faith and you will know what to do. When you finally understand the deeper meaning of true love and self sacrifice for a greater kind of love, for others before self, you will see things in a different light. Life will have a new profound form of joy and happiness that no money can buy.
Im at the edge of the cliff. Standing and gazing up above at the people soaring high with their full fledged wings wide open. How do I get up there? I have no guidance because my parents, whom I solely depend on my entire life does not know either.
In a recent video that featured Steve Harvey, he discussed about how we need to take the jump. Its okay to be afraid. It depends on what you define as happiness. Are you alright with seeing others soar in the air ? Do you want to be like them? If you want to learn to fly, the first lesson you need to learn is to fall. When you take that leap of faith off the cliff, you’re going to get hurt, get scraped along the edge of the cliff, struggle and maybe fall. But you will eventually learn a very valuable lesson and learn how to fly.
My theory is, just take the jump. Don’t be afraid to fall. If you stay put, you’re never getting anywhere in life. Take the jump. For even if you fall, you learned a beautiful lesson and you gave yourself a chance in life. Your chance to use the wings you were given. To soar. Even if you end up fancying a life on the ground after having a taste of flying, you had a life well lived. You made full use of your time and opportunity and you made it happen.
When you’re old enough and have kids to tell your stories to, they will look up to you and you’ll have an amazing life story to portray. Do not be afraid. What’s the worst that could happen? You won’t die. Its an amazing journey where you truly find yourself.
The sad reality of dreams. Dreams used to be a part and parcel of life. You used to have great ambitions and dream of the impossible. But soon, that light at the end of the tunnel seem to diminish all too quickly.
When I was younger, I dream to one day be the first female president. My parents encouraged me to pursue it and believed that I will get there. I was an overachiever. Well, you can say I did become a president. I became the president of my school’s choir ensemble. I limited myself and thought that was good enough because wanting to be president just seemed so impossible to reach. I allowed myself to settle with that.
I was 16 and studying triple sciences in school. By the way, I loved it. Even though it was stressful, it brought me meaning and ignited a passion for science. Hence, I wanted to be a scientist and publish journal papers when I am 20. When I was 20, I soon realised that dream was impossible. You cant publish a journal paper unless you’re doing your PhD. And that would mean you are at least 26. Or that you’re a genius. I backed out from that dream as it was too much of a winding road for me. I gave up working towards that altogether.
I’m 22 now. One day, a friend asked me, what are your dreams? I didn’t know how to answer. I realize I stopped dreaming. Its unfortunate how we all reach a point in life that we know too much and can predict the probability of achieving our dreams that we just distinguish that flame. We stop trying. “A dream is a wish your heart makes.” But, your heart is tired. You are tired. You’ve succumbed to living a life of routine, comfort and ease that you don’t seek for more and dream ahead. A part of me has died along with my ability to dream.
Finding your way again and finding your will to strive for a certain success or dream isn’t easy. You need to take a break and do some soul searching. Let your heart decide for once. Feel and dig deep within for that endearing thought. What is burning? What are your desires? What makes you happy? Forget the What ifs. Just get on with it and hang on to that feeling. Let it take you to places. Try and try again. Having the dream and the will to pursue it is the key to a happy heart. Don’t be afraid to dream. You might just get there.
I dreamt that I was studying in this boarding school or some sort. The teachers and students live together in this huge school which is owned by the principal and her husband. The design of the school is very vintage and Victorian style with sturdy pillars and structures (Its almost like Hogwarts)
So I have a boyfriend, his name is Jason. There was this other guy whom I am very close to, Daniel. I think the feeling is mutual between Daniel and I but its kinda complicated here with my situation with Jason. Jason’s parents are more well to do and have high expectations of him. Naturally they want him to date a girl of high profile and of standard. They would never approve of me. Whereas for Daniel, his parents are very friendly and very well liked by people in the Neighbourhood. Sometimes when Daniel and I meet up for dates, and if we happen to see his parents, we would pretend we are doing some sort of studies or experimenting with a new aroma therapy oil scent (Idk why, but yeah aroma therapy oil lol) Daniels parents are more accepting of me. I rarely go on dates with jason cause he’s the popular kid in school and his parents would kill the both of us if we were ever seen together. So, dates with him aren’t as special and it’s quite pressuring.
One day after school, most of us students were playing Basketball at the court at level 6. The game ended and some of them stayed back to play more or just hang around. I was quite tired so I went of with the other kids. I realised that both Daniel and Jason were still at the basketball court hanging out with the rest so I decided to call them because I caught a glimpse of our principal on the way down back to our dorms. I called jason and he didn’t pick up. I called Daniel and when he picked up, I just didn’t know what to say to him. I felt like something fishy was going on up there. I hid at a corner of the stairwell and saw the principal went in to the basketball court sneakily. She stood at the door for a few mins seemingly observing their actions. And then she went back down with a smirk on her face. I then went up to have a look. I saw jason and two other guys screwing two girls at a corner of the basketball court! A while later I saw jason made a phone call. I think he’s probably calling one of his doctors to handle the fucked up girl and make sure she’s not pregnant or something. I was so angry and upset I ran back to my room and cried my eyes out. And then I remembered our principal standing at the door watching and smiling to herself. I thought that was weird.
The next morning I was woken up by a commotion down at the hall. Many of the kids were gathered there and I saw jason being handcuffed away with 2 other guys. He saw the look on my face and his face wasn’t apologetic but oddly more of crying for help. I scoffed at him and went off with the other kids staring at me from behind. The whole world thinks that I’ve been cheated on right now. Daniel came to my room and tried to explain the situation. He was there and he witnessed the whole thing but I use couldn’t listen. I was mad at him for not stopping jason. If he cared about me he would have stopped him. One day as I was studying with my friend, the cleaning lady came up to us and asked me about the phone connection in school. She then showed me her phone. It was Jason’s! I quickly asked her where she got this phone and she said she picked it up from the Basketball court and decided it was ok to use it. I looked through the pass history of phone records and saw that the phone call he made to the doctor that night of the incident wasn’t successful. Someone cut off the phone line for a period of time so he couldn’t make that phone call! I told the cleaning lady the truth and what I thought about the situation with the principal at the scene that night. The lady then pulled us to a corner and made sure no one was around. She told my friend and I that our principal is not who we think she is. She’s evil. The cleaning lady then showed us a secret passageway to the principals room and up to a secret stairwell that leads to everywhere in the school building. She literally got access every where and even places we never knew existed. We are not safe anymore. I always wondered why this fireplace was never used. It wasn’t even a fire place at all! It’s a trapdoor that can be pulled out that lead to a hidden stairwell. The stairwell hasn’t been used for awhile and the steps are filled with saw dust from the drilling of the trapdoor. The three of us creeped up to her room to collect some of her DNA samples so when we sue her, we have her evidence. We took her shower cap, a piece of scarf and her mug then ran back down as fast as we can. Halfway down, she and her husband was having a secret meeting in a balcony covered with sheer curtain. I’ve never seen that balcony before. I caught a glimpse of her husband through the curtain briefly but I’m not sure if he was looking our direction. I brushed the thought off and focused on getting out. I kept the evidence in a zip lock bag and told Daniel all about it. He decided to help me because he believed me. He was at the scene itself and felt something was off too. He think they were framed. And that’s when I woke up.
I was so angry when I woke up. I tried going back to sleep in hope to continue this amazing story. I wanted to know the ending and what happened. But, no. I had to be wide awake.
May is a month of events, upturns and downturns alike. Which makes it special for me. Its my birth month. And this year, We’re headed off to Paris! An eventful 12 day holiday.
I’ll be updating the few must see places in Paris that we’ve covered during the trip and what its special for.
Ever heard of Chantilly cream? This district is its birthplace! Not just famous for the delicacy, the castle offers a marvelous view and idea of the lavish lifestyle the kings and queens used to live. This place is also a wonderful place to go if you love horses or is a jockey.
The peaceful final resting place for the brothers is set across the sunflower fields a breezy walk away from the church.
This is said to be the exact location where the beloved Princess Diana had her fatal accident. It can be found at the cross junction while walking along the Seine River bank.
The one thing I’m sure every tourist that ever been to Paris did. The river cruise. I suggest taking the river cruise during sunset hours. You’ll get to experience the light up of the Eiffel Tower after sunset. Pretty romantic. The river cruise is approximately 1 Hour.
This place is pretty hard to find and you may get a culture shock once you exit the metro station. To get to this antique and contemporary arts market, you have to walk through a market selling imitation goods and weed bongs etc. You can kinda imagine the type of people you will be greeted with. Make sure you take care of your belongings while at it. This art market is a must go for people who love vintage antiques, contemporary art pieces, old records, vintage apparels and accessories.
I was in awe of this beautiful church. The restoration works were superb and full of effort. There are 15 stained glass panels in the whole church and each window depicts a series of events from the story Christ. Starting from The Genesis to The Revelation. The sheer serenity of this church gives you that space to slowly admire the art work of each window.
Just a slight walking distance away from Saint Chapelle. The fame brought about my the humpback of Notre Dame brought this church much recognition. But it should not be confused as the oldest church of France. Its just famous and definitely huge. We were lucky to be able to sit in for their evening mass. The gospel choir was amazing.
Montmatre is a rather different themed district from central Paris. Its more artsy-fartsy. This is the famous church there and we even witnessed a wedding photo shoot as this church offers a scenic viewpoint of Paris. The clear blue sky made the climb up there totally worth it. Its not everyday you get blue skies is Paris.
We took a 6 hour long road trip to the North of France. The destination, Mont Saint Michel! Our road trip towards Mont Saint Michel takes us through Honfleur and Deauville.
This beach is rather spectacular as the shoreline goes all the way up. And you can see some jockeys riding from time to time. This is also where France hold many celebrity red carpets events. Properties in Deauville are mostly weekend homes or rented out as its a pretty expensive estate. There are also a few beautiful homes we saw for rent or AirBnB here.
I cant even begin to describe how magnificent this palace is. Its huge beyond what your mind is estimating right now. And of course utterly beautiful. The interior tour of the palace takes you back in time to understand the French empire and the lavish life of the King.
This is just one of the gardens in Versailles palace. If you would like to tour the entire district of Versailles and the palace, I would highly recommend taking the entire day and slowly marvel at it. Access to different gardens and palace requires buying separate tickets.
Monet is a famous artist and his love for a diversity of flowers is evident from this garden in front of his humble home. He also has a Japanese Garden. This is a must go! Monet Garden is located at Giverny. You may like to search some amazing AirBnB around this area too.
This cathedral goes back more than a century old. You could take the guided tours up to the bell and also to the dungeon. I was sick that day and hence did not take the opportunity to do that.
The floor of the old cathedral has this labyrinth and the town takes on this logo as their symbol.
All in all, the trip to France was amazing. Although we didn’t get to go to some of the places we wanted to due to the strikes on petrol in the country. I would definitely do a road trip down to the rest of Europe in the future.
There was a sudden realization one day as I was typing one of my blog posts, my hands stopped and I stared at the screen. I was writing with such heartfelt emotions as though I was reaching out to someone.
Who could that be? Who is it all these while that drive me to publish my life’s journeys? Who will ever see these thoughts? Will it mean something to the reader?
I publish new feeds not to cater to the society and what is in trend. I do it to let you understand the small hiccups and bumps in my life. To walk you through the path I’ve taken.
And you are my future son and daughter.
There will come a time where I won’t be there for you. To see through your every need. I want to be there for you, to guide you through life’s obstacles and lessons. Every small part of my life has been and will continue to be documented here. Whenever you yearn for a mothers’ comfort and advice, there’s always a place to find solitude and answers you seek.
Our lives are constantly moving so fast and whizzing by without us even noticing it. I regret to tell you that I may not be the most perfect mother you needed to have. But I try to be the best. I guess this is a platform for me to prevent you from feeling lost without my guidance.
I promise to be the best mother I can be. But at times when I’m not there for you, this shall be the next best place to seek the answers you need and to feel my presence through my words.
How have I gotten so sentimental? Have I grown up and moved on from my playful adolescent years? How did I feel like I already love you even before your very existence? I never wanted to start a family before. But I’ve met a man who made me think twice and consider the odds. You must know, he is truly remarkable. And shall one day, be your father.
Whether or not you one day come to this world, I want to put the message across that I love you with all my heart and will love you for the rest of my life. Also, you have my heartfelt and sincere sorry to you, if I ever do lose the courage to bring you to this world.
For now, I am striving hard and doing my best to be able to one day, make your existence a reality.